So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
