Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
