You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
