Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
