my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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