how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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