you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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