i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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