he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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