Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
