I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
