Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
