I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
