Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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