If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
