I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
