tell your sister to shave her snatch
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
