I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
