The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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