I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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