Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
