I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
