I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
