If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
