So drunk its hurt
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dear god my vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
