Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
