I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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