ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
