Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
