My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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