do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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