Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
