i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
