there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
