...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize