yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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