So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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