Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
COCAINE IS GR8
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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