goodnight i made you a song goodbye
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
