carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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