They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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