I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
