its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
