Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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