Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
