And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
