The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
