Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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