i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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