So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
