Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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