woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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