I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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