I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I could fuck to npr.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
