just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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