Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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