Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
