Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The Olympian is in my bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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