So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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