She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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