Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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