I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
