I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
