Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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