I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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