I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
