What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
