the condom got lost in my hair
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
