Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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