next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
