Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
