And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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