so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
