if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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