You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
