Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
