i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
