so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
