Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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