Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
