Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
