break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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